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作者:高雅哲出版社:南海出版社出版时间:2015年03月
- 版 次：1
- 页 数：
- 字 数：
- 印刷时间：2015年03月01日
- 开 本：32开
- 纸 张：轻型纸
- 包 装：平装-胶订
- 是否套装：否
- 国际标准书号ISBN：23677658
- 丛书名：幽默英文
第一章 极品醉爱
1 Marry Penguin
A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate.“I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports and enjoys group activities. ”
Back came the answer,“Marry penguin. ”
娶企鹅
一个单身汉想在电脑上找一个完美伴侣。“我要找一个娇小可爱、喜欢水上运动和集体活动的伴侣。”
回答是：“娶企鹅。”
2 Reason
The couple I know were discussing their wallpaper, which had just been hung. William was annoyed at Mary’s indifference to what he felt was a poor job.“The problem is that I’m a perfectionist and you’re not. ”he finally said to her.
“Exactly! ”she replied,“That’s why you married me and I married you! ”
原因
我认识的一对夫妻正在讨论刚刚挂上的壁纸。威廉觉得壁纸挂得不好，玛丽却漠不关心，威尔对此感到气恼。“问题就是我是个完美主义者，而你不是。”他最后对她说。
“说得对！”她答道，“这就是你娶了我，我嫁给你的原因！”
3 I Don’t Know Her
A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing.
“Why don’t you do that？ ”said the wife.
“Honey, ”replied her husband,“I don’t even know that woman! ”
我还不认识她呢
一对夫妇在公园里散步，发现一对年轻的男女坐在一条长凳上，动情地接吻。
“你为什么不那么做呢？”妻子说。
“亲爱的，”丈夫回答说，“我还不认识那个女人呢！”
4 My Husband
She left him on the sofa when the phone rang, and was back in a few seconds.
“Who was it？ ”he asked.
“My husband. ”she replied.
“I better be going. ”he said,“Where was he？ ”
“Relax. He’s downtown playing poker with you. ”
我丈夫
电话铃响时，她留他一个人坐在沙发上，不一会儿又回到了他身边。
“是谁？”他问。
“我的丈夫。”她答道。
“我最好还是走吧。”他说，“他在哪里？”
“放松，他正在闹市区和你打扑克呢。”
5 The Poor Husband
“You can’t imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife. ”the man complained to his friend,“She asks me a question,then answers it herself, and after that she explains to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong. ”
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道有多么难。”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”
6 You’ve Already Heard It
Arriving at home, I was about to show my husband my newly done hair. Hearing my footsteps, he called out,“I’m going to tell you a joke that’s going to make your hair curl. ”
He turned around, took a look at me and added,“Oh, you’ve already heard it. ”
你已经听过了
回到家，我打算给丈夫看我新做的头发。听到我的脚步声，丈夫喊道：“给你讲个笑话，它会让你笑得头发卷起来。”
他转过身，看了我一眼，补充道：“哦，原来你已经听过了。”
7 Send for the Fire Brigade
One’s wife could not read the thermometer, but she took her husband’s temperature with it and gave a call to the doctor,“Dear doctor, please come at once. My husband’s temperature is 53. ”
The doctor replied,“Dear madam, I can do nothing. Send for the fire brigade. ”
叫消防队
一个人的妻子不会看体温计。她用体温计给丈夫量过体温后，给医生打了个电话：“尊敬的医生，请马上来吧。我丈夫的体温到了五十三度。”
医生回答说：“亲爱的夫人，我无能为力，快去叫消防队吧。”
8 Who Is This Speaking
She answered the phone to hear a repentant voice.“I’m sorry,darling, ”he said,“I have thought things over and you can have the Rolls‐Royce as a wedding present, we will move to the Gold Coast,and your mother can stay with us. Now will you marry me？ ”
“Of course I will. ”she said,“And who is this speaking？ ”
你是谁
她接电话时听到一个忏悔的声音说：“对不起，亲爱的，我已经想过了，你可以拥有劳斯莱斯作为结婚礼物，我们将搬到黄金海岸，你母亲可以和我们一块儿住。现在你愿意嫁给我吗？”
“我当然愿意，”她说，“可你是谁呀？
9 Want Her to Go Nuts
Mrs. Henry decided to have her portrait painted.She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant.”
“But you’re not wearing any of those things.”
“I know,”said Mrs. Henry,“It’s in case I should die before my husband. I’m sure he’d remarry right away, and I want her to go nuts looking for the jewelry.”
我要让她发疯
亨利夫人想让人给她画幅肖像画。她告诉那位画家说：“把我画成戴着钻石耳环、钻石项链、祖母绿手镯还有红宝石垂饰的样子。”
“可这些东西您一样也没戴啊。”
“我知道，”亨利夫人说，“我是想着万一我比我丈夫先死去，他肯定会很快再婚。我要让那个女人为寻找这些珠宝而发疯。”